Oscar Madness!

Okay, so I watched the Academy Awards yesterday. Had a couple of friends over, Dan, who often comments here, and Reay and his girlfriend Jackie. Or at least she was there for most of it. Like me, she is an early riser. Unlike me, her body actually requires sleep, while mine just prefers that I make some effort to get some every now and again. So, she left early. By early I mean somewhere around the 2-2.5 hour mark. And that is the problem.

Okay, new rule: Award shows for movies should not be longer than the movies themselves. I have several suggestions on how to make the Academy Awards broadcast more interesting. And surprisingly, none of them involve nudity.

1. Get rid of some of the awards. The truth is, the average person doesn't care about Sound Mixing, or even Sound Editing. Both are crafts that are integral to our movie enjoyment, but are not necessarily of interest to the average person. Do them during the commercials (so they can still get the accolades of their peers) and show a list of who won afterwards. Post the speech on the internet for all to see. I'm not even sure editing needs to be shown.
   
2. Kill the performances of the songs. Especially by the same person. It was hard for me to tell a couple of the songs apart last night, and the performances seemed more about Beyonce than the music. Don't get me wrong: if they could all be performed with the flair of "Blame Canada" several years ago, or even that song from "The Triplets of Belleville" last year, I'm in. One woman singing three songs to varying accompaniment doesn't do it for me.
3. Don't let Sean Penn talk. Seriously. The man is not interesting. He is an amazingly talented actor, but not right for giving awards. I mean, come on, his little bit about Jude Law last night in response to Chris Rock's joke was stupid. Everyone watching the Oscars knows who Jude Law is. It was a joke.
4. Don't say dumb things. "Hilary Swank is the first woman to ever be nominated for playing a boxer." Who cares? I mean did we mention that about the first person to be nominated for playing an astronaut? Really, who cares?
5. Honorary Oscars - more commercial fodder. We don't care that much. That is all about the admiration of your peers - the public doesn't need to watch those.

Those are just a few suggestions - I'm sure a lot of you can come up with some of your own. The problem is, as it stands, much of this over-produced self-congratulatory fest is not fit for public consumption, and this should be changed - by the way, a couple of other things: Does anyone know what happens during the commercials if you are at the awards? Also, I must admit, I've always thought it was very nice that the academy sends a hot young actress to give out the Sci-Tech awards. Not to mention that the women usually look sexier there than at the Oscars themselves. Did you see Scarlett Johansson at the Sci-Tech awards?